Anger & Indifference
by xxivxo
Summary: The sense of loss only seemed to make nothing but ill feelings rise between the two left behind.


**Anger & Indifference**

* * *

They'd walked up and down the path so many times before.

But never before had there been such a huge weight of sadness and unease in every step.

Noel could hardly bring himself to actually find a proper place to lay her to rest. It was too hard to imagine burying someone who had become a best friend through so many trails so far, only to fail in the end.

The world was covered in grey, the same as it was whenever he had first met Lightning. He did not want to imagine her reaction to what had just unfolded less than an hour ago.

As the top of a hill was reached, directly before entering the city limits of what had been Academia, Noel could already feel that strong sense that '_this is the place_'.

The dirt moving beneath his fingertips as he managed to grab a shovel from the excavation site nearby, he could feel those hazel eyes on him with every movement he made. Surely there was nothing but concern behind them. It wasn't even so much that Noel was sad since Serah had known what the consequences could be; it just felt like a waste in a way. Serah's life had been given in exchange for what…the destruction of the world, for it to be blanketed in nothing but chaos and this shade of grey?

Nothing added up. If anything, Noel was more frustrated at the concept that all their work, blood, and now lives had been laid down for no reason at all. The future he had been fighting to recreate to one different than he had been first given now seemed like an ever-running sequel.

What a mockery it was.

Noel kept pausing in between the shoveling of dirt, and it was almost as if Hope kept reading his thoughts.

"There's nothing we can do now."

It was true; he just didn't want to believe it.

With the entire world having been altered, nothing was of use now. There would be no way to preserve her body, nothing could be done to try and revive her. Being killed through the Eyes of Etro surely had more complications than just a simple death. To have to bury yet another person that had held such meaning to him was too painful for him to even cry about.

The hole was made, and Noel lifted the lifeless body in his hands. Her beauty still radiated even now as her eyes were closed, her figure still so light in his arms. He could imagine she was asleep, but it would be a cruel trick on his mind for him to do that. And so he laid her down, gently caressing her face for a final time before turning away to grab the shovel and bury the woman who had become his best friend into the depths of a world clouded by nothingness.

Silently, he kept his gaze averted; only wanting to have those memories of the innocence of her spirit in his mind. The earth steadily covering every inch of her until nothing was left in view but the ground below. Pushing the shovel away, Noel said nothing as he walked to the bridge, needing to get away from that place. The grey only grew darker as they headed for the vast building that once had the livelihood of science and discoveries. Those who still lingered there looked worried, some even panicked, some already trying to escape from the city.

"Director!"

Alyssa was seen running over to them, pausing to catch her breath before she looked to Hope and then Noel. "Where's Serah, what's going on?"

Hope said nothing as he attempted to give her a look while Noel simply continued walking past her.

"We'll talk later." The silverette stated solemnly before he also followed after the one who had moved a few steps ahead.

Neither of them had said a word as they headed into the building that was erupting in nothing but questions and concerns. Despite the darkness that had befell on the city, the power still seemed to be running fine. Leave it to scientists to find a loophole in every situation imaginable.

"Noel, where are you going?"

The elevator opened just as Hope ended up following Noel inside.

"I don't know."

Hearing the words in a low tone, Hope moved forward to press the button that would take them to the top floor where his room was located. He'd given a room to Noel and Serah to share beforehand, but he highly doubted that was the best place for him to be right now.

The floors ticked by quickly given the technology, yet, the heavy silence was almost suffocating.

Whenever they did reach the top floor, Hope exited first, aware of Noel's presence a few steps behind him. Using his key on the door to his room, the stood in the doorway, keeping the door open for Noel to enter before he closed it shortly afterward.

For a long while, they stood there in that same silence. Sometimes one of them would move elsewhere, sometimes Noel would almost start pacing back and forth. The scientist had finally taken to going to change, feeling too tense in what he was wearing. Whenever he returned in a pair of sweatpants and a long-sleeve shirt, he found Noel had now stopped in the middle of the living room and was staring out the window.

"We failed."

Hope looked off to the side even though Noel had his back to him.

"We…miscalculated things. We'll figure something else out in time."

"We don't have time." Noel felt his hand absentmindedly form into a fist. "Serah didn't have any more time."

"What happened with Serah…was, it was unfortunate collateral damage."

"Collateral damage?!" Noel whirled around to fast, his feet leading him across the room as he felt his anger rising in each stride. Did no sort of feelings lie within Hope? Was he filled with nothing but logic and science versus the value of a life? "Are you _**fucking**_ kidding me?!"

Hope kept his gaze away, only letting his eyes stray over at having Noel's presence now moving up the steps that led up from the living room to where he stood.

"We all knew there were risks. Serah knew that better than anyone."

"That doesn't justify you standing there acting like her sacrifice meant absolutely nothing." Noel heaved the words out, his hand reaching out to shove the other back from his calm stance that he had been in. "I should've known. All I ever heard and read was how scientists of the past thought they were almost like gods, meddling with people's lives like they were nothing. You really don't give a shit do you?!"

Hope regained his balance but only for a moment. He was grabbed by the collar of his shirt and thrown to the ground. Barely able to register that he had been thrown before a weight was on top of him.

"Noel, you're overreacting."

Hope attempted to keep himself level-headed. If they both broke down, where would that leave them?

But those words only made Noel's anger intensify. Before he could move to possibly hit Hope, the weight underneath of him shifted and they were rolling around on the floor almost in a tussle.

"You're so heartless, goddammit Hope I never thought you would be someone to-"

Their bodies shifted more, Noel trying to grab at Hope's arms in an attempt to pin him, but Hope managed to slide his body down, wriggling somewhat to avoid the grab as he then pushed his hands against Noel's chest and practically forced him off of him.

"Be someone to what?" He'd hardly managed to sit up before Noel had already used that quick speed of his hunter abilities to have tackled the silverette to the floor once more.

A second series of tussling began, their bodies painfully even falling down the steps that led them to the living room floor. Grunts and gasps of pain came from that movement, each pair of legs twisting together in a tangle of limbs as their bodies pushed together continuously.

"To act like you care but in the end you really don't."

Noel breathed out almost raggedly, his breath stolen from the lingering pain that the stairs had had on his back. As he hovered over Hope, he could see the way hazel eyes had been hidden. Finally seeing them looking up at him again, he felt like a knife that had already been in his heart was twisting slowly.

"I wanted everyone to live. But now we've lost someone else, you don't think this hurts me too?"

He had been so clouded by his anger and frustration over the loss and feeling of hopelessness, he'd forgotten what Hope had once said to him.

"Lightning's already gone and now so is her sister, and I…I couldn't do anything to stop us from losing someone else again." His voice faltered, the words breaking half-way as he breathed in uneasily, trying to keep a handle on his emotions so they didn't free themselves too much. It was so hard not to though, especially at seeing how those sapphire eyes were staring at him.

It'd always been that way with Noel. Anytime they talked, he'd get so lost in his eyes. He'd let parts of himself that he'd never share with anyone else be seen. It was one of the most complex things that he couldn't figure out since Noel was a paradox in itself.

"Why do you have to act like you don't give a shit then?"

Noel swallowed thickly, his words still rough as he felt the hands pressing at his chest again in an attempt to move him away. He stayed idle in the same place though, Hope clearly still struggling as he barely managed to force his legs to make Noel slip out of his position slightly.

"Because if we both get stuck in those feelings then nothing will change. We'll be stuck in this time, and everything that we ever did try to do really will be in vain."

Hope stated the words hastily, forcing Noel off of him completely. Leaning up on his elbows, he watched as the hunter stayed still for a few moments, his gaze on the ground.

Their breathing was uneven, yet strangely falling together at the same time. As he stared over, it was when he felt those particular shade of blue eyes staring at him and the weight back on him once again that everything broke between them.

Tears could be felt falling as their bodies rolled together. Trying to get lost from the reality, Noel felt his frustration still lingering even though his anger had died away. Although Hope was not necessarily as skilled as Noel in terms of fighting, he still had an ample amount of strength. It continued that way for a little while, their hands grabbing, bodies just overall tussling over one another in an attempt to take out those stationary feelings of sadness and regret.

It got to a point where they were still once more. Noel breathed heavily along Hope's collarbone, his hands lying on the ground as Hope's hands had somehow ended up at his bare sides from where his tribal shirt had been disheveled.

Their breathing was heavy. Hope could feel the hot breaths at his neck. It made him feel almost shameful as he felt himself shiver, his fingertips idly playing with the fabric of that soft, blue shirt only to trace at skin now and again. As he felt Noel shift his head up, their bodies ended up rubbing only slightly.

That brief moment of contact was enough for Hope to clench his teeth and Noel to forget to breathe.

Hope couldn't help but to stare at sapphire eyes, almost needing to see some sort of reaction though he hated how he let his body get to this point. All the moving, tussling, and rubbing had a side effect, one that he felt too embarrassed to acknowledge. It wasn't like he was some teenager anymore, but still; the frustration had been there, though he'd never confess he would do such things with another man.

There was the odd feeling that something should be said. Their eyes kept staring at one another, until Noel let his gaze disappear and his voice was finally heard.

"We're both just frustrated."

In a way Hope was thankful that he was being spared from any sort of explanation. However, as he felt sapphire eyes suddenly snap back to staring at him in a completely different manner and a pair of hips realign with his own, he breathed in sharply through his teeth.

"_Both_ of us."

Hope couldn't even manage to get a thought in as he could only remember seeing a flash of sapphire eyes leaning in closer and then a pair of lips moving onto his own, working at his mouth with an intensity that he had never known a kiss to have before.

The fingers that had been half-way twisted in the blue fabric of the shirt grasped harshly. Their bodies were pressing together now to close any sort of space between them, almost desperate to feel anything the other had to offer.

To say that this was new wasn't necessarily an understatement to Noel. He'd always noticed the handsome features of the scientist, the way they would casually fall in line together. There was a friendship that always had a hidden possibility of leading to a secret attraction. He'd known of things from his previous time, when the women were gradually dying out, the men had taken to other men to fulfill those carnal desires before their lives were set to end.

Noel had grown to know too much for his young age back then. He always set himself to believe in the optimistic idea that things could only get better with how bad they had been during that time. He'd always told himself he would make things better, and that if he was to ever feel things for a person, they would be the most intense and real thing that he could ever set his eyes upon.

At first he thought Serah had been that person for him. It was only as time went on that he realized she was meant to be his best friend. She'd always have a special place in his heart, which is why it pained him so much to have to lose her. He still had Hope though. The one that had been a friend of Serah's and Lightning's, it seemed as if there was something about him that Noel was unconsciously drawn to.

He was the only one he had left now. If anything, as much as he felt hurt over losing Serah, if he had lost Hope too he really would have been inconsolable.

And that thought alone made him kiss a little harder, the sound of Hope's gasp being muffled which only signaled to Noel that Hope was still alive, still in his warm in his grasp, still moving along with him.

Hope clung onto Noel, his fingertips dragging down the tan skin of the hunter as their clothes were being pushed and dragged away to reveal more of themselves. His face was flushed with how aroused he was as their hips had been pushing together constantly.

"Noel…"

The soft whispering of the hunter's name was lost as a hand pushed down into Hope's pants, the warm fingers grasping over his erection to stroke in a way that had him bucking his hips into the movements. He shuddered from the pleasure, his hand absentmindedly running down to start undoing the strings to blue pants that had already been slightly undone.

When he finally managed to let his own hand slide into the loosened fabric, he felt a pair of teeth at his neck, biting almost mercilessly as his hand moved over the hardened length. He swallowed uneasily, a moan caught in his throat as he felt the hand moving over his own dick had started with a slick friction, the heat becoming intense.

Noel groaned hotly over the neck he had been biting, licking, and sucking at. His hand that was moving in rough strokes faltered for a moment as he felt a similar rise of pleasure take over his own body.

"Don't ever leave me."

The words were almost raggedly traced over Hope's skin in a moan as their hands were slick with the first traces of wetness.

"I won't…if you won't." Hope clutched deeply at Noel's back, his words only dragging out into a gasp, inhale, and then a moan. Just as the other's name passed his lips once again, their lips met in a heated kiss, hands still moving in fast strokes as their moans were hidden in the ever-constant kiss.

In an almost desperate plea from one to the other to never leave, they let that intensity rise, the pleasure becoming all the greater as both became enveloped in one another. Hope trembled, his hips pushing upward as he let a rough moan be heard in the parting kiss. Noel's breath was hot over his lips as he felt sapphire eyes stare at him during his release. The first string of white appearing just as he felt warmth starting to coat his own hand.

Noel moaned roughly, lowly, letting it all be felt over Hope's lips as he felt that surge of his release. The hand clutching at his lower back the entire time kept him steady as he let his cum release over the other's hand.

Their breathing was uneven as they remained mere inches apart in a stare. Hope could feel the way the warmth was lingering in the spaces between his fingers and some of his own had managed to get on his stomach. But the warmth he really felt as Noel's rough inhaling and exhaling near his lips, much as it had been when he moaned at the most intimate of moments.

"Noel I…"

Hope fixed his mouth to say something.

"I know." Noel smiled, almost laughed even. "I do too."

They really only had each other now.

And somehow, Noel felt more than content with that.

Hope certainly did too.

_~ fin._


End file.
